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Thursday, January 22, 2009

Multitasking, or "losing it"?

Whoever coined the term “multi-tasking” was witty. Whoever suggested it’s an evolutionary holdover - enabling women to rear children while keeping up with other responsibilities to The Clan – was full of horsehooey.

It’s not a skill, this so-called ability to do multiple things at once (which, when scrutinized looks more like juggling than a balancing act), it’s a freaking handicap! Well, aside from being able to wallop your kid while driving and applying lipstick and remembering if you unplugged the iron and helping the other kid review for a spelling test, that is. (yeah, it'd probably be a good idea to put thru legislation that prohibits having your kids in the car. Forget about cell phones. But that's a whole other topic...)

And I’m confident if one Being is responsible for creating all humans (I know it’s a man – a woman would never put men’s silly-looking junk on the outside of their bodies, or let eyebrow hairs grow beyond attractive boundaries), that person afflicted us with this inability to focus as a JOKE. Not a survival skill. (“Muahahahaha. Let me see how funny they’ll be to watch scurry around when I give them this…”)

Seriously. For example:

I schedule the day “off” from work, so I can write. I do the dishes before getting the kids to school. So far I’m scoring an A+ in Clearing the Decks.

Return home. Ignore the pile of laundry calling my name. It’ll keep til after school.
Scribble plans on a notepad, for the chapter I’m working on. Sit down to write. Check email. Reply to 2 messages. Take call from hubby. Check a promo loop and send a couple of friendly posts.
Get serious. Open manuscript file to write. Review where I’m at so far. Did I pay the insurance? Check bank account. Reconcile checkbook. Chug a Red Bull for mental power and inspiration. Add items to grocery list.
Sit back down to write. Write 2 sentences. Think. Hard. Stare at the wall above the cat dish. Daydream about that website I need to build. Feed the cats. Water a plant. Stop myself. The other plants have waited weeks, they’ll be fine a few more hours, til after school!
Sit down to write. Visit the bathroom. Notice toilet needs cleaning. Clean both toilets, all the while muttering about writing time wasting away. Fetch more paper towels from garage, to clean mirrors and sinks. Add Windex and toilet cleaner to shopping list. Can I wait til tomorrow to go shopping?Think about how much it sucks to clean around the toilet’s sides and how only a guy would design them with so many damn curves and places for lint & gunk to collect. Finish and wash up. Ignore the laundry again.
Consider a lunch break. And that open manuscript file. Is that the blinking cursor calling my name? Or leftover garlic bread? Their voices are so similar…
Grab the notepad again and compose a blog entry

Got sanity?

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