Pitches, pitches

I'm taking pitches over at Word Wranglers next Tuesday. Here are the deets:

On Tuesday, February 7th, http://www.wordwranglers.blogspot.com will host Lyrical Press Editor, Piper Denna.

Piper will be taking 1-3 line pitches.

The rules are simple:

1. Contest opens at 7:00 A.M. EST and closes at Midnight

2. 1-3 lines

3. 1 pitch per person

That's it. We're easygoing over at Wordwranglers, but if you break the rules, you'll be disqualified.

Don't miss this chance to get your pitch in front of an editor!

Piper's bio:

Writing is a craft, a skill which improves with practice. Grammar can be learned.

Spelling...notsomuch. Either you're good at spelling, or you're not. And unfortunately, Spellcheck might be helpful, but let's face it: it's only as good as its programmers, and we all know how many problems certain software programs have. Which is why, no matter who you are, no matter what you write, you need an editor. If you don't believe me, ask Stephen King-we're very close. Like two peas in a pod. (At least, in my mind, which I mean in a completely un-stalkerlike way.)

Now that I'm done name-dropping... Books have always been my thing. And I've been a writer since I could pick up a pencil. My thoughts didn't turn toward writing professionally until about 2005, when I wrote three novels. Through a couple of critique groups and thousands of crits, both given and received, I honed my craft quite a lot. So much so, in 2008 after watching two of my books go through the editing process at publishers, I got the wild idea (the wild, incredibly overconfident idea, in retrospect), that I could do that.

My poor authors have to learn my lingo: "Innerds"-deep third inner thoughts from a character, generally requested as a replacement for narrative ("She wondered why he hadn't arrived yet" comes off much stronger as "Where the hell was he already?") or "Holding Pattern", which I type as a shortcut to remind an author to mix up sentence structure, rather than going with a repetitive subject/predicate format every time.

And I still write. (When I have time, and when I can tranquilize that inner editor enough to shut her up so I can type.) My characters must endure extensive suffering and conflict, and sometimes they do things certain readers don't approve of, but they always get their happy ending.

What kind of books do I prefer to edit? Deep conflict, relatable characters, believable plots, and a strong romantic element. Because romance makes the world go round. Right?

Piper Denna

Romance is sexy!

http://www.piperdenna.com/

http://www.lyricalpress.com/piper_denna.php

Multitasking, or "losing it"?

Whoever coined the term “multi-tasking” was witty. Whoever suggested it’s an evolutionary holdover - enabling women to rear children while keeping up with other responsibilities to The Clan – was full of horsehooey.

It’s not a skill, this so-called ability to do multiple things at once (which, when scrutinized looks more like juggling than a balancing act), it’s a freaking handicap! Well, aside from being able to wallop your kid while driving and applying lipstick and remembering if you unplugged the iron and helping the other kid review for a spelling test, that is. (yeah, it'd probably be a good idea to put thru legislation that prohibits having your kids in the car. Forget about cell phones. But that's a whole other topic...)

And I’m confident if one Being is responsible for creating all humans (I know it’s a man – a woman would never put men’s silly-looking junk on the outside of their bodies, or let eyebrow hairs grow beyond attractive boundaries), that person afflicted us with this inability to focus as a JOKE. Not a survival skill. (“Muahahahaha. Let me see how funny they’ll be to watch scurry around when I give them this…”)

Seriously. For example:

I schedule the day “off” from work, so I can write. I do the dishes before getting the kids to school. So far I’m scoring an A+ in Clearing the Decks.
Return home. Ignore the pile of laundry calling my name. It’ll keep til after school.
Scribble plans on a notepad, for the chapter I’m working on. Sit down to write. Check email. Reply to 2 messages. Take call from hubby. Check a promo loop and send a couple of friendly posts.
Get serious. Open manuscript file to write. Review where I’m at so far. Did I pay the insurance? Check bank account. Reconcile checkbook. Chug a Red Bull for mental power and inspiration. Add items to grocery list.
Sit back down to write. Write 2 sentences. Think. Hard. Stare at the wall above the cat dish. Daydream about that website I need to build. Feed the cats. Water a plant. Stop myself. The other plants have waited weeks, they’ll be fine a few more hours, til after school!
Sit down to write. Visit the bathroom. Notice toilet needs cleaning. Clean both toilets, all the while muttering about writing time wasting away. Fetch more paper towels from garage, to clean mirrors and sinks. Add Windex and toilet cleaner to shopping list. Can I wait til tomorrow to go shopping?Think about how much it sucks to clean around the toilet’s sides and how only a guy would design them with so many damn curves and places for lint & gunk to collect. Finish and wash up. Ignore the laundry again.
Consider a lunch break. And that open manuscript file. Is that the blinking cursor calling my name? Or leftover garlic bread? Their voices are so similar…
Grab the notepad again and compose a blog entry.

Autumn
Got sanity?

Pat(ter) Yourself on the Back

It's a brand new year. Take a break from worrying about how you'll improve yourself in the upcoming months and reflect. Think about something great you did in '08. Something uncalled-for, or exceptionally kind. Or just right. Maybe you met a goal you set for yourself, or helped somebody else. Could be big or small.


Hey, I'll get us started. A financial babystep: I haven't had a NSF notice from my bank in over 6 months! (LOL and noooo, I did not just request to have them sent electronically). Now see, surely you can top that.


Family-wise, well, we're living in the country in a house that isn't by any means fancy, but I'll tell ya. I just get a vibe here, something that tells me, "Things will be okay here". And that counts for a lot.


Mr. Cornfuscius has a new job, one that's steady, in the daytime, and not nearly as dangerous as when he did electrical repairs and installs on the drilling rigs. And he's a Master electrician now! (note the capital on Master - between you and me, only. He won't hear me calling him that...)


Parenting? Well, what can I say? I've restrained myself from supergluing them together for fighting, so I'm feeling pretty proud.


I've got 2 books coming out this year. Finally!


Another proud demonstration of restraint: We did not return to the house we rented from the Landbitch(she was no lady) From Hell and squirt derogatory (if true) words about her in the lawn with bottles of Round-Up, like we vowed to, after vacating her squat little piece of crap tract home.


And on the "just because it was the right thing to do" list, I fessed up to the school district when they overpaid me by a half day. Even though on occasion I've covered for more than one person at work. Even though the sub budget goes grossly underspent. Even though nobody would've ever noticed. Just cause it was the right thing to do. Cha-ching goes the karma register.

See? My list might not look like much to somebody else, but it's a big deal to me. Give yourself a break and be proud. You were Great in '08!


Happy New Year, everybody! I think this one's gonna be the best one yet.


Autumn

Got romance?

Merry Christmas!

To everybody out there, have a great holiday.

My your gifts be all you wanted, and your guests be amicable!

And in case anybody's not being nice now that St. Nick's flight is another 364 days away, here's a song you can sing them:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzXKWKaxt3c

Sorry for that, but it is a classic. And nobody did it like Seuss.
Merry Christmas!

Piper Denna
Romance is sexy!

Autumn Piper
Got romance?

'Tube Tuesday

A must-see for anybody who's ever read or written a romance novel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vD0z1hSXTJM

Love it.

Autumn
Got romance?

Merry Friday!

Today I'm spotlighting Stephen King - yet again. Stumbled across this video on youtube, where he appears to be guest speaker, possibly at a university somewhere.

As usual, his advice is spot-on when he tells aspiring writers they should write a lot, but also read a lot. I knew this teacher in California who kept telling me she wanted to write, but she hadn't read a book in years. (The fact that that this person is a strong influence on 20+ kids every school year - who we're supposed to encourage to read - is another issue entirely.) It seems she didn't have time! Uh, what? You think if you don't have time to read, you're going to somehow make time to write? Here's the link (just a one-minute clip)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqp7A0B7abc

I love what he says there at the end about reading something and thinking you can do better. Too funny, as usual.

TGIF!

Piper Denna
Romance is sexy!

Do we still believe in fairy tales?

In case you missed this month's issue of The Lyriodical, John B. Rosenman wrote a thought-provoking article (from a man's point of view) on why women's fiction (and especially romance) always must end happily.



He and I had a fun discussion about the subject, but what it boiled down to is: Because it's women's fiction. Naturally we want a happy ending. Men like to finish a book or movie on high alert, forecasting evil on the horizon a la every episode of Batman, Spiderman, Hulk... yuck. Need I go on? Whereas we chicks have an innate desire to believe happily ever after is attainable. We're in a romance for the warm, fuzzy, awwwwsome ending! Clearly we do not read a contemporary romance for reality's sake. If we did, there'd be epilogues like this:



TWO YEARS LATER


At eighteen months old, Romeo Junior is the apple of mommy and daddy's eyes. Too bad daddy doesn't get to see him much - he's working extra hours, as mommy is expecting Baby #2 soon. She got demoted from her demanding fashion job for missing so much work when Junior had all those ear infections. Then her cute classic car broke down for good and it made more financial sense for her to stay home in the suburbs and babysit full-time for the family next door, than to assume the burden of a payment for a new car. Juliette's got a closet full of cute outfits from the old days, but none of them fit, even before the second pregnancy. Now she spends her days in stretch denim and hoodies, some without stains. Lunch means Kraft Mac-n-Cheese with preschoolers instead of Chili's with her pals from work. The hot body Romeo worshipped isn't likely to make an encore, but he swears he doesn't mind. Well, he has to work out extra hard these days to fight the beer belly, too. And those buff, buff shoulders and pecs have gone the way of Juliette's perky bosom, since they left the city and their gym membership. It's all good, though. He's up for a promotion. If things go well and he gets a good enough raise, they'll be able to afford their dream car - a new Honda minivan! Let their old single friends laugh at them through MySpace. They've got their parenting group pals and neighbors. And each other. Which was all they really needed, right?

Reality in novels? No, thanks.

Happy Thursday!

Autumn Piper
Got romance?