I blogged a little (okay, a lot) over at Lyrical Press today.
Talking about new language.
Check me out.
Autumn Piper
Got romance?
USA Today Best of 2012
Showing posts with label women's fiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women's fiction. Show all posts
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Multitasking, or "losing it"?
Whoever coined the term “multi-tasking” was witty. Whoever suggested it’s an evolutionary holdover - enabling women to rear children while keeping up with other responsibilities to The Clan – was full of horsehooey.
It’s not a skill, this so-called ability to do multiple things at once (which, when scrutinized looks more like juggling than a balancing act), it’s a freaking handicap! Well, aside from being able to wallop your kid while driving and applying lipstick and remembering if you unplugged the iron and helping the other kid review for a spelling test, that is. (yeah, it'd probably be a good idea to put thru legislation that prohibits having your kids in the car. Forget about cell phones. But that's a whole other topic...)
And I’m confident if one Being is responsible for creating all humans (I know it’s a man – a woman would never put men’s silly-looking junk on the outside of their bodies, or let eyebrow hairs grow beyond attractive boundaries), that person afflicted us with this inability to focus as a JOKE. Not a survival skill. (“Muahahahaha. Let me see how funny they’ll be to watch scurry around when I give them this…”)
Seriously. For example:
I schedule the day “off” from work, so I can write. I do the dishes before getting the kids to school. So far I’m scoring an A+ in Clearing the Decks.
Return home. Ignore the pile of laundry calling my name. It’ll keep til after school.
Scribble plans on a notepad, for the chapter I’m working on. Sit down to write. Check email. Reply to 2 messages. Take call from hubby. Check a promo loop and send a couple of friendly posts.
Get serious. Open manuscript file to write. Review where I’m at so far. Did I pay the insurance? Check bank account. Reconcile checkbook. Chug a Red Bull for mental power and inspiration. Add items to grocery list.
Sit back down to write. Write 2 sentences. Think. Hard. Stare at the wall above the cat dish. Daydream about that website I need to build. Feed the cats. Water a plant. Stop myself. The other plants have waited weeks, they’ll be fine a few more hours, til after school!
Sit down to write. Visit the bathroom. Notice toilet needs cleaning. Clean both toilets, all the while muttering about writing time wasting away. Fetch more paper towels from garage, to clean mirrors and sinks. Add Windex and toilet cleaner to shopping list. Can I wait til tomorrow to go shopping?Think about how much it sucks to clean around the toilet’s sides and how only a guy would design them with so many damn curves and places for lint & gunk to collect. Finish and wash up. Ignore the laundry again.
Consider a lunch break. And that open manuscript file. Is that the blinking cursor calling my name? Or leftover garlic bread? Their voices are so similar…
Grab the notepad again and compose a blog entry.
Autumn
Got sanity?
It’s not a skill, this so-called ability to do multiple things at once (which, when scrutinized looks more like juggling than a balancing act), it’s a freaking handicap! Well, aside from being able to wallop your kid while driving and applying lipstick and remembering if you unplugged the iron and helping the other kid review for a spelling test, that is. (yeah, it'd probably be a good idea to put thru legislation that prohibits having your kids in the car. Forget about cell phones. But that's a whole other topic...)
And I’m confident if one Being is responsible for creating all humans (I know it’s a man – a woman would never put men’s silly-looking junk on the outside of their bodies, or let eyebrow hairs grow beyond attractive boundaries), that person afflicted us with this inability to focus as a JOKE. Not a survival skill. (“Muahahahaha. Let me see how funny they’ll be to watch scurry around when I give them this…”)
Seriously. For example:
I schedule the day “off” from work, so I can write. I do the dishes before getting the kids to school. So far I’m scoring an A+ in Clearing the Decks.
Return home. Ignore the pile of laundry calling my name. It’ll keep til after school.
Scribble plans on a notepad, for the chapter I’m working on. Sit down to write. Check email. Reply to 2 messages. Take call from hubby. Check a promo loop and send a couple of friendly posts.
Get serious. Open manuscript file to write. Review where I’m at so far. Did I pay the insurance? Check bank account. Reconcile checkbook. Chug a Red Bull for mental power and inspiration. Add items to grocery list.
Sit back down to write. Write 2 sentences. Think. Hard. Stare at the wall above the cat dish. Daydream about that website I need to build. Feed the cats. Water a plant. Stop myself. The other plants have waited weeks, they’ll be fine a few more hours, til after school!
Sit down to write. Visit the bathroom. Notice toilet needs cleaning. Clean both toilets, all the while muttering about writing time wasting away. Fetch more paper towels from garage, to clean mirrors and sinks. Add Windex and toilet cleaner to shopping list. Can I wait til tomorrow to go shopping?Think about how much it sucks to clean around the toilet’s sides and how only a guy would design them with so many damn curves and places for lint & gunk to collect. Finish and wash up. Ignore the laundry again.
Consider a lunch break. And that open manuscript file. Is that the blinking cursor calling my name? Or leftover garlic bread? Their voices are so similar…
Grab the notepad again and compose a blog entry.
Autumn
Got sanity?
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Do we still believe in fairy tales?
In case you missed this month's issue of The Lyriodical, John B. Rosenman wrote a thought-provoking article (from a man's point of view) on why women's fiction (and especially romance) always must end happily.
He and I had a fun discussion about the subject, but what it boiled down to is: Because it's women's fiction. Naturally we want a happy ending. Men like to finish a book or movie on high alert, forecasting evil on the horizon a la every episode of Batman, Spiderman, Hulk... yuck. Need I go on?Whereas we chicks have an innate desire to believe happily ever after is attainable. We're in a romance for the warm, fuzzy, awwwwsome ending! Clearly we do not read a contemporary romance for reality's sake. If we did, there'd be epilogues like this:
TWO YEARS LATER
At eighteen months old, Romeo Junior is the apple of mommy and daddy's eyes. Too bad daddy doesn't get to see him much - he's working extra hours, as mommy is expecting Baby #2 soon. She got demoted from her demanding fashion job for missing so much work when Junior had all those ear infections. Then her cute classic car broke down for good and it made more financial sense for her to stay home in the suburbs and babysit full-time for the family next door, than to assume the burden of a payment for a new car. Juliette's got a closet full of cute outfits from the old days, but none of them fit, even before the second pregnancy. Now she spends her days in stretch denim and hoodies, some without stains. Lunch means Kraft Mac-n-Cheese with preschoolers instead of Chili's with her pals from work. The hot body Romeo worshipped isn't likely to make an encore, but he swears he doesn't mind. Well, he has to work out extra hard these days to fight the beer belly, too. And those buff, buff shoulders and pecs have gone the way of Juliette's perky bosom, since they left the city and their gym membership. It's all good, though. He's up for a promotion. If things go well and he gets a good enough raise, they'll be able to afford their dream car - a new Honda minivan! Let their old single friends laugh at them through MySpace. They've got their parenting group pals and neighbors. And each other. Which was all they really needed, right?
Reality in novels? No, thanks.
Happy Thursday!
Autumn Piper
Got romance?
He and I had a fun discussion about the subject, but what it boiled down to is: Because it's women's fiction. Naturally we want a happy ending. Men like to finish a book or movie on high alert, forecasting evil on the horizon a la every episode of Batman, Spiderman, Hulk... yuck. Need I go on?
TWO YEARS LATER
At eighteen months old, Romeo Junior is the apple of mommy and daddy's eyes. Too bad daddy doesn't get to see him much - he's working extra hours, as mommy is expecting Baby #2 soon. She got demoted from her demanding fashion job for missing so much work when Junior had all those ear infections. Then her cute classic car broke down for good and it made more financial sense for her to stay home in the suburbs and babysit full-time for the family next door, than to assume the burden of a payment for a new car. Juliette's got a closet full of cute outfits from the old days, but none of them fit, even before the second pregnancy. Now she spends her days in stretch denim and hoodies, some without stains. Lunch means Kraft Mac-n-Cheese with preschoolers instead of Chili's with her pals from work. The hot body Romeo worshipped isn't likely to make an encore, but he swears he doesn't mind. Well, he has to work out extra hard these days to fight the beer belly, too. And those buff, buff shoulders and pecs have gone the way of Juliette's perky bosom, since they left the city and their gym membership. It's all good, though. He's up for a promotion. If things go well and he gets a good enough raise, they'll be able to afford their dream car - a new Honda minivan! Let their old single friends laugh at them through MySpace. They've got their parenting group pals and neighbors. And each other. Which was all they really needed, right?
Reality in novels? No, thanks.
Happy Thursday!
Autumn Piper
Got romance?
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