USA Today Best of 2012

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Once a Mommy...

Last night was a toughie around here. Apparently the neighbor kids have had some kind of stomach flu (scratch that, upon further investigation, ALL the neighbors have had it), and since my kids have been playing outside with them...

Yep. My son came down with it yesterday afternoon. He's like I was as a kid--when other people catch these things, they are over them in a day, but he (like the young me) gets sick for days. Poor dude was just heaving and moaning continually for almost 8 hours. Dad and sister went outside because they couldn't stand hearing it. He finally did get some rest, a little after midnight. Here's hoping the thing is gone now and he'll be better today when he gets up.

What I learned was that it's just as hard to watch your teenager suffer through being sick as it is to watch your toddler. You're still just as helpless, and so are they.

So now we wait to see if the rest of the household will get it, like they did next door... and wouldn't ya know, we're supposed to leave on a camping trip tomorrow afternoon.

Off to snuggle with the bottle of Germ-X.

Autumn Piper

Got romance?

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Oops, I did it again!

I'm a coupon lady. My main purpose with the Sunday paper is to obtain coupons. I get them in the mail from my favorite supermarket, clip them from magazine pages, and subscribe to online coupon sites where I can get the deals sent directly to my shopper's saver card.

Sometimes I'm a bit disorganized with it, and I can't always remember whether I have a coupon for this or that at any given time, and sometimes I even forget to bring the coupons along when I shop (*gasp!*). More than once, I've even had all my coupons out and then just forgotten to hand them to the cashier (like a big old bubble head).

Still... there's no high quite like scoring a super coupon and having it doubled on some already-on-sale item, or having your "You saved $X.xx today" amount come to half your total. Hey, if I can get the checker who's been at my supermarket longest to raise her eyebrows when she tells me what I saved, I sometimes do the big fist-pump in the air. (Probably not cool in an MTV way, but hey... cool is relative, right?)

So imagine my dismay this morning when I looked high and low and could not find my trusty expandable coupon file thingy. Oh, the horror! On panicked recollection, I realized I'd left it in the child seat of the cart Friday at Walmart. The kids and I were rushing, and I've got no one to blame but myself. But... *sob* All my coupons? Gone? Just like that?

Dangit. Well, I had to try... Went to the service desk at Wally World and guess what? Two employees looked high and low, and finally found it in one of the cubbies under the desk! All there! Some store employee probably found it when shagging carts. But whoever it was, really made my morning.

Back in bizness, folks. Back to saving. And it's the end of the month so I'd better see if there's any offers I need to take advantage of...

Autumn Piper

Got romance?

Monday, June 28, 2010

Another Monday, another blog opp. Where to start?

Only 11 more days to RomCon, and that's pretty darn exciting. Almost every day now, my Google Alerts pop up with somebody's blog about it, and when they list the events they'll be attending, my name is included on the itinerary (it's there automatically if they copy-n-paste from RomCon's schedule; they aren't putting me in there with a purposeful "whoopee, it's Autumn Piper". Not this year, yet. :) ) Readers are totally stoked about this convention, and I'm getting there too. Can't deny I've got a little starstruck going on myself at the prospect of meeting Carly Phillips. She was probably my first venture into chick-lit, and hooked me on the genre. Still -- got a few hundred book marks to cut out and laminate and trim, a brochure to create, and sexy mad libs to make up, plus getting my hair trimmed and coloring it, oh and did I mention after months of clear skin I've suddenly got Mt. Vesuvius surging out the side of my chin? Figures.

Camping -- went somewhere new over the weekend. A neat little campground hosted by a really nice retired couple. Hubby looked at a job nearby. Not a "side" job, because it looks like later this week, contracting electrical work on his own will be his business. His days as an employee are now (involuntarily) numbered, and we're definitely into the count-'em-on-one-hand digits. Basically, when this big project ends, they are out of work. So that's a little stressful... maybe. Could turn out to be a good thing. Anyway. Lots of bike riding (around the campground as well as up a hiking trail which was littered with tree roots and rocks, and totally made me feel like one of those badass mountain bikers cruising down steep terrain on commercials, LOL), so certain muskles (Popeye's word, not mine) have got lots to say to me today!

Possible career change -- my publisher recently lost its managing editor and I'm seriously considering tossing my hat in the ring. Lots of pros and cons going on, but it'd sure be nice to have an income year-round instead of 9 months of the year (and several of those months are kinda short on workdays). Although... those months I get to work lots really do pay off! I do loved subbing, love the kids and the interaction with other people (read: friends). Not entirely sure I want to give that up. And yet, if I could have a routine -- a schedule-- again. Man. Take the kids to school, go for my walk, come home and write. Do my editing work... Wow. That would be pretty darn spectacular. Some big brain-squeezing to do.

Anyway. Have a great Monday (c'mon, yes it IS possible). Or else.

Autumn Piper

Got romance?

Friday, June 25, 2010

So I'm weird... it helps me write.

(No, Amanda, this does not mean I've come over to the dark side and now like Sweet-n-Sour with my McNuggets. I'm still a BBQ girl.)

But some people might think this is weirder...

Picture a grown woman sitting at the kitchen table at 5:30 a.m., putting together a kids' 100 piece puzzle.

Yep, that's me. Something about putting together puzzles makes everything click in my upstairs region, and gets the thoughts flowing smoothly so I can write. Is it the tactile work, or the matching colors and shapes? Dunno, but it works.

So why don't I do a "grownup" puzzle? Well, having a nice 1000 piece puzzle around is a gargantuan distraction. It's hard for me to get anything else done at all, plus the darn thing takes up so much space. Thus, I slink over to the chest coffee table and grab one of my kids' puzzles. Today was Swan Lake Barbie (not much color variety there, looked like pink and purple had a head-on collision. Even the dang horse is pink!), yesterday it was Scooby Doo. Got a Harry Potter awaiting me still, and Wizard of Oz.

I do kinda wish for some adult pictures. Like a 100 piece Orlando Bloom, or maybe the cast of The Big Bang Theory... Even CSI or Law and Order SUV would be fine. Oh my lord. What about a Seely Booth puzzle? Be still my racing pulse!

And hey, I might be fighting off Early Onset Alzheimers...

Have a great weekend.

Autumn Piper

Got romance?

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Yet Another Funny

This makes me think of my little friend Ramona...

Urban dictionary word of the day:

diaper dialed: When a child or baby accidentally calls someone when they are playing with your phone. Similar to Butt Dialing

My nephew Diaper Dialed me last night. I picked up the phone and all I heard was baby talk.

Autumn Piper

Got romance?

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

We all saw it coming

Ereaders, like any other tech toy, were bound to come down in price. And they have--steadily--over the last couple of years. But yesterday was big in terms of pricetags getting smaller.

The latest edition of Kindle is now only $189. Pretty cool price for such a simple, no-strings-attached device (great for someone who wants ebooks without the hassle of figuring out how to download and upload and all that). Can't help but feel for the folks who shelled out $400 for one, but it is a really nice product.

Other big news? B&N figured out they needed to lower their price too, in order to compete (can they really? with all those bells and whistles on iPad, and the monstrous selection on Amazon? Ah well, can't fault them for trying. Belatedly.) Nook is down to $149 for the Wi-fi edition, and $199 for Wi-fi plus 3G.

Hey, at those prices, my Sony Reader seems like an overpriced relic. But oh, wait. I can still get library books on my Reader. And I'm pretty sure those devices... cannot. :)

Borders is selling an ebook reader for $119, and will have their own ebook store soon (gee, here's hoping they get a selection, not just what their buyer decides to stick in their catalog like they do with print books *she snarks*).

Which of these readers do I think is the best deal? Well. I'd be lying if I said iPad isn't purty, and shiny, and probably loads of fun. I've got no complaints about either my iPod or my iPhone. Apple makes a nice--if pricey--device. However, for reading ebooks the iPad just looks too darn big. I've played with it in Best Buy, and the thing would need a whole other purse or bag or briefcase to haul it around. My Reader slips nice and small into my handbag or my laptop bag. It's flat and doesn't take up much real estate. Don't know if Nook still operates with only B&N (a sucky attempt at trying to mimick Amazon's proprietary success), but either way, it's still pretty thick for my taste. Kindle's a little thinner than Nook, I believe. But I don't think I'd like having that keyboard in my way. Those lower-end devices Borders is peddling seem like what I'd go for, if my Reader keeled over (heaven forbid!!).

And that's what I'll call my Market Update. With 1st quarter ebook sales at a staggering alltime high, and reader prices falling as drastically as ebook sales are rising, I'd say the forecast is pretty rosy for the epublishing biz.

Autumn Piper

Got romance?

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Something silly

Urban Dictionary word of the day:

Aluminum digger: A younger version of a gold digger.

That girl is fifteen and after that boy's lunch money. What an aluminum digger.

Piper Denna

Romance is sexy!

Monday, June 21, 2010

...and the light flickers on.

You know that old saying, "Can't see the forest for the trees"?

I've often wondered why it is I don't "get" what other people enjoy about movies or shows involving the mafia. (people who know me well are probably mentally bonking me on the head already) So what if there's money and power involved? All I can think is "those people are bad". But not everybody feels that way. Obviously. (Except when the crime gang involved is Japanese... those are always "bad guys" in movies, LOL.)

So here it is, after many long hours of therapy. (Not really). I mentally group anything mafia together, and connect them all with my father's disappearance, which makes them bad (more bad than the combined drugs, corruption, mutilations, and murders, that is). Maybe I wouldn't feel so strongly about mob activity, if everybody didn't suspect the Cuban mafia was the cause--or directly responsible for--my dad permanently going off the radar. But heck, as psychological scapegoats go, it's not so bad to lay all the blame for this on crime syndicates, right? And at least now I won't have to feel like some kind of weirdo for not liking Scarface or the Sopranos.

Thar' ya go. That should be my last deep and philosophical post for the week.

Survive your Monday with class.

Autumn Piper
Got romance?

Friday, June 18, 2010

Friday Father Funnies

Father's Day is upon us, so I thought it would be fun to share some "Dad jokes".

One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table eating supper. The little girl said, "Daddy, you're the boss, aren't you?" Her Daddy smiled, pleased, and said yes. The little girl continued "That's because Mummy put you in charge, right?"

This one is from a hilarious site, shitmydadsays. It's a quote from Justin's dad, one of many gems:
"A parent's only as good as their dumbest kid. If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed."

Q: What do baby computers call their fathers?
A: Data.

And finally:

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?"
Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams...and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works.
He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he's finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge. Her father finally asks: "So what did you want to know about sex for?"
"Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."

Happy Father's Day!

Autumn Piper

Got romance?

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Not a midnight chariot race

This post is unrelated to writing... but,

Take a gander at our neighbors. During the daytime, they get to roam around our house and their owners', and at night they go in a back pasture, which seems to have become "old hat" for them, because they've gotten good at escaping it lately.

This little dude is just shy of 3 months old, and so full of it. He's curious and playful. Tries to taste and chew everything in sight, including the shoe brush outside, welcome mat, charcoal grill... one morning he at some hot dog buns I'd thrown out for the birds! Like any baby or toddler learning about his world, he wants to see what things feel like, and since he doesn't have hands, his lips do the trick.

Like in this picture, he's more after chewing on the wire than the tree inside.

Last night after we'd gone inside and the neighbors had gotten home and penned the horses, hubby and I were watching TV (Golden Girls, one of my alltime faves) when I heard this racket outside. Sounded like a damn chariot race! THUMP! THUmp! Thump!.... Thump! THUmp! THUMP! back and forth, and then this high-pitched whinny. So we go outside and discover little Warrior racing back and forth in front of the electric fence, calling to his mama, confused as heck. All alone. Sweaty, scared...

Mama and the other big folks had gotten the gate open and were partying down in another neighbors very green and tall pasture. Poor little guy! He couldn't figure out how to get to them. Maybe he was snoozing when they all took off. We helped get him calmed down and penned, then round up the big horses (who were not too pleased to learn the grain we brought had been used to dupe them into complacency while they were haltered).

Autumn Piper
Got romance?

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Introducing a new segment today, Things They Never Taught Me in Health Class. Because, let's face it: We should get a refresher, age-appropriate course in our late 20's or early 30's. So here's today's gem.

As you get older, you'll know a much closer relationship to your tweezers. Mine may not be my BFF yet, but we're definitely looking at BAMF (best all-metal friend). And I've considered expanding this social network, by purchasing additional tweezers for the bedroom and perhaps my purse...

Tune in tomorrow for Things They Never Taught Me in Home Ec. (including juicy bits such as how to cope when you round the corner and find your washer has "walked" itself so far away from the wall the hose has almost popped out of the drain)

Autumn Piper

Got new facial hair?

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

In the big (little) house

Ah, summertime. When kids try to sleep pretty much anywhere but in their own beds.

Last night, my kids slept in the loft of my daughter's "playhouse". Really, at her age it's probably going to be more of a clubhouse where she can hang out, but she's thrilled with it either way. Daddy's gotten enough done on it now, she cleaned it up last night and wanted to sleep there.

This is the back -- it's got siding, all ready for the electrical panel (yes, electrical! This hangout is going to have recessed lighting and everything). The side with the windows is hers; the other half is a storage shed for all Things Too Important to Get Rid of, But Not Important Enough to Be In the House.

And this is her front door -- it was early when I took this photo, so it looks dark. It's still a work in progress. One day it'll have front steps and the siding, which we'll paint something fun. Inside will probably be purple after the drywall is done.

But last night, it was just bare plywood and studs inside, and the kids told scary stories til they fell asleep. How kidlike is that?

And... that's my news for today.

Autumn Piper
Got romance?

Monday, June 14, 2010

When tried and true gets abandoned for tired and false

This post was inspired by watching a teeny-bopper movie with my daughter yesterday, one I've seen before but never fails to get my hackles up. It's a modern-day Cinderella story, featuring a masquerade ball.

After IMing with this incredible, poetic guy from school for some time, our Cinderella arranged to meet him, dressed as her fairy tale character (him as Prince Charming) at a school dance, but it was a masked affair. So, naturally, she wore a tiny little eye mask, which allowed the viewers to identify her, but nobody else at the ball could tell who she was. Naturally. (Flashback to every soap opera ever, where there's a masquerade ball, and none of the characters can tell who the others are.) Dumb, dumb. The Prince, of course, wore no mask, so she recognized him immediately (Mr. Popularity). To make matters worse, Prince Charming's friends tried to help him find his Cinderella the next day at school (next day? a school dance on a weekday, until after midnight??), and all size and shape of girls were included in the lineup. Not only those built like the girl he danced with. Not only blondes, like the girl he danced with. Seriously? When we go out trick or treating and the kids from my kids' classes are in full costumes, we can still tell who they are. This inability to recognize a girl with her undereye area obscured becomes a full-on plot device in the movie (nobody else has a clue who she is either), and the guy never does figure out who she is, until his evil ex outs her at a pep rally. Sheesh. Most of this problem could've been solved if the costume folks would have given our princess a full mask to hold up in front of her face. Why the eye mask? Why?

It's right up there with the old soap opera car/airplane crash victims who go around with a patch of gauze on their forehead (the only visible sign of injury) for 4 months after the accident. Soaps really aren't about plots or reality though. They're about sexy guys and glamorous women and high adventure (albeit slow-progressing high adventure). Dressing up, and fighting for love, and happily ever... oh, wait. Nothing is forever on a soap, because today's HEA is next week's angst fodder.

So. Never let it be said that soap operas and romance novels are similar. In the world of novels, an unrealistic plot device is called a "wallbanger", meaning it'll cause the reader to throw the book against the wall in disgust. And I'm so glad I write romances, where I can see my characters get (and keep!) their happy ending.

Have a great Monday.

Autumn Piper

Got romance?

Friday, June 11, 2010

Acceptance and rejection

This morning I stumbled upon a great post by a fellow Lyrical Press editor, pertaining to what makes us decide to accept or reject a book for publication.

It's tough to say no, but Cyn does a nice job of laying out the reasons why we do.

Have a great Friday.

Piper Denna
Romance is sexy!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Another funny

Thought this one was great when hubby forwarded it to me, and because to my mind, we can never have too many jokes:

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor.'

'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies. 'There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... A lot cheaper than a doctor .'

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

He deposits ten dollars, the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.'

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5 If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart

Happy Thursday! I'm sewing my LAST 50 sunglass sacks today (thanks to the beloved Amanda, who voluntarily sewed 50 for me! Go eA). Booyah! It's a good morning.

Autumn Piper
Got romance?

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Whatcha Readin' Wednesday

This week's (month's? Year's?) review book is Meg Cabot's Queen of Babble. I'd actually read this book before, but this time listened to the audio book. My kids thought I was even more insane when I laughed uproariously with me headphones on than they do when I sing and dance with them on...

This isn't Meg's YA-- it's definitely a "grown-up" novel. Very funny, sweet, and in the chick-lit tradition, written in first person from our up and coming young heroine (who has a habit of getting herself in sticky situations, usually brought on by her babbling). Her boyfriend Andy will remain in my mind forever, the tacky dude who sent her a picture "of his bare ass" and showed up at the airport to get her in "a red leather jacket with epaulettes." If I had copy of this book (I borrowed the audio file from the library), it'd have a place of honor on my bookshelf, and I fully intend to read the other Queen of Babble books which follow. Thus, I proudly bestow upon this novel Piper Patter's highest book honor: Get Your Own Copy.

Piper Denna
Romance is sexy!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

What have I done?

The round-up notices are coming in from coordinators of the events I signed up to participate in at RomCon (holy hell, don't think I've ever written a sentence with so many prepositions...).

Each time one arrives I think to myself, "Oh my God. I've gotta SPEAK in front of a bunch of people to do this!" The one that's totally stressing me out, though, is Midnight Sexcapades. It's now my responsibility to entertain a crowd for 15 long minutes with something sexy, erotic...

Yeah. Right.

So I'm wracking my brain, and yours too... what should I do? I was thinking of perhaps some funny quotes about sex, followed by a sex trivia quiz? Then I could do some sort of giveaway, if we have enough time to tally and ask who scored highest. Any other ideas? The coordinator, Delilah Marvelle, is doing Sex Throughout History... with props. Sounds entertaining.

Did I mention I volunteered to go first?

Ohh, the stress. Let me know if you've got an idea!

Autumn Piper

Got romance?

Monday, June 7, 2010

Not my publicity

Today is release day for a fun chick-lit story I edited, A Bitch Named Karma. It's the debut novel for a really nice author, Stephanie Haefner, and I hope the best for her (not just because I earn royalties on her sales, LOL).

Check her book out here:

Piper Denna

Romance is sexy!

Friday, June 4, 2010

Friday Funny

The masses have spoken. (and by masses, I mean Amanda and Sutton...) Just as I'd always suspected, you lovely followers prefer comedy over, well... other stuff. So today I'm providing an article I think is funny as heck, although the peeps who swear by the print industry's permanence might not like it as much.

by J.A. Konrath
Author of Jack Daniels thriller series

Moderator: Welcome to Obsolete Anonymous! I’ve gathered you all here to welcome our latest member, the Print Industry.

Print Industry: Hello, everyone. But there’s been a mistake. I don’t belong here.

(chuckles all around)

Print Industry: I’m serious. I’m not obsolete. I’m relevant. Print books have been around for hundreds of years. They’re never going to be replaced.

VHS Tapes: Yeah, we all thought like that once.

LP Records: It’s called denial. It’s tough to deal with at first.

Print Industry: Look, everyone, I assume you all think that ebooks are going to put me out of business. But that won’t happen.

Phone Company: I remember when you couldn’t walk twenty yards in a city without seeing a pay phone. Then those gosh darn cell phones came along. Do you know some people don’t even have land lines anymore?

(Phone Company begins to cry. Print Phonebooks joins in. So does Dial Up Modems. Encyclopedia Set, wearing an I Hate Wikipedia T-Shirt, pops a few Prozac. A group hug ensues.)

Video Rental Store: What Phone Company is trying to say is that when a technology comes along that’s faster, easier, and cheaper, the old technology–and all the companies that supported it–tends to fade away.

Print Industry: Why are you here, Video Rental Store? There are a lot of you around.

CDs: There were record stores everywhere once.

Cassette Tapes: Hell yeah! They sold cassettes, too! Someone give me a high five!

(no one gives Cassette Tapes a high five)

Video Rental Store: Things looked good for a while. I had a decent run. Then I got hit by all sides. Netflix. On Demand. Tivo. YouTube. But the nail in the coffin came in the past two years. Hulu. Roku–which allows subscribers to stream video instantly. iTunes and Amazon offering movie downloads. Red Box, which rents DVDs for 99 cents and takes up no more space than a candy machine…

Print Industry: But ebooks are just a tiny percentage of the market. People have been reading print since Gutenberg. They won’t adapt to change that easily.

SLR Cameras: You’re correct. It takes a few years for people to fully embrace new technology. Some never do. Instant Cameras never replaced me.

Instant Cameras: Shut up, SLR. We both got our butts kicked by digital. How much film did you sell last year?

TV Antennas: I’m still big in some third world countries!

Typewriter: The bottom line is; when technology improves, it becomes widely adopted. Me and Carbon Paper used to have a groovy thing going. I’d make the words, he would make the duplicates. Then Copy Machine got into the act, but he’s not doing well now either.

Copy Machine: Effing computers.

Dot Matrix Printer: Effing laser and inkjet. Doesn’t anyone else miss tearing off the perforated hole punches on the side of paper? Don’t they miss the feel and smell of that?

Fold-Out Paper Maps: I agree! Isn’t it fun to open up a big map while you’re driving, in hopes of figuring out where you are? Don’t you miss the old days before cars came equipped with GPS and no one ever used that upstart, MapQuest?

CDs: Effing internet. That’s the problem. Instant access to information and entertainment for the whole world. You guys want to talk about pirating and illegal downloads?

(everyone shouts out “no!”)

Moderator: We all read on JA Konrath’s blog that the way to fight piracy is with cost and convenience. Print Industry, are you lowering your prices and making it easier for customers to download your books?

Print Industry: Actually, we just raised prices on our ebooks.

(all-around sighs and head shaking)

Moderator: Well, far be it for you to learn from any of our mistakes. Are you making it easier at least?

Print Industry: Well, we’ve begun windowing titles, releasing them months after the hardcover comes out.

(collective head slapping)

Music Industry: Have you at least tried selling from your own site? I wish I’d done that. But then Apple came along…

Print Industry: Uh… no. We haven’t tried that. In fact, some ebooks–we’ll use JA Konrath as an example since he was mentioned–aren’t even available on all platforms and in all territories.

Moderator: What do you mean? Konrath’s ebooks are available all over the place.

Print Industry: Those are the ones he uploads himself. The ones of his that we sell are missing from several key markets, and have been for years. But it’s okay. We’re paying him much smaller royalties and jacking the prices up high so we can still make a profit. Besides, ebooks are a niche market. Ereading devices are dedicated and expensive.

Arcades: I used to be a thriving industry. Kids dropped millions of quarters in my thousands of locations. But then Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft made home arcade machines, and now people play their videogames on dedicated devices. It’s a multi-billion dollar business now, and I can only compete if I sell pizza and give out plastic trinkets to kids with the most foosball tickets. If people want the media, they buy the expensive device. Period.

Print Industry: None of you are listening to me. Print will always be around.

Newspaper Industry: Yeah! What he said!

Print Industry: Let’s not compare ourselves, okay Newspaper Industry? No offense.

Newspaper Industry: None taken. Hey, maybe we can help each other. I’m selling advertising space for dirt cheap these days, and…

Print Industry: No thanks. No one reads you anymore. People get their news elsewhere.

Moderator: So why won’t people get their novels elsewhere as well?

(Print Industry stands up, pointing a finger around the room.)

Print Industry: Look, this isn’t about me. All of you guys have become irrelevant. Technology marched on, and you didn’t march with it. But that WILL NOT happen to me. There will always be bookstores, and dead tree books. We’ll continue to sell hardcovers at luxury prices, and pay artists 6% to 15% royalties on whatever list price WE deem appropriate. And the masses will buy our books BECAUSE WE SAID SO! WE SHALL NEVER BECOME OBSOLETE!!!

Buggy Whip Industry: Amen, brother! That’s what I keep trying to tell these people!

CDs: (whispering to LPs) I give him six years, tops.

Autumn Piper

Got romance?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Some silly stuff

These came forwarded in an email. Some of them are cute.

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your
computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when y ou know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the
rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't
want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if
I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did
not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn
it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to
voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing
anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish
a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and
smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to
prevent an ass from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going
to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but
no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -
but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3
feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

Piper Denna
Romance is sexy!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Unexcused absence?

I opened my Blogger dashboard today and realized I'd completely forgotten to blog yesterday. Oops. That hasn't happened since I was very busy working and sick as well. No, I'm not sick. Or working (technically).

The truth is, I've been in sewing hell, constructing the sunglass sacks for goody bags at RomCon. Making progress for sure, but really feeling the deadline loom. My good pal Amanda took 50 of them off my hands yesterday, which is a huge relief. I think with the ones I've finished now, that puts me at 275 left to go. 100 still need silkscreened and pressed; 150 need pressed only, but I do have all the drawstrings cut.

Not that any of this makes interesting blogfodder...

So I'm back at it, between baseball camps and baseball practices, plus babysitting certification classes. There's a light glowing at the end of my tunnel though. Always good to have a finite number to work toward.

Happy summer!

Autumn Piper

Got romance?