Some jokes to get you through the cooking:
On last-minute shoppers:
It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.
'Please let me in, 'says the man desperately. 'I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one.'
'Okay, 'says the butcher.' Let me see what I have left.' He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's one last scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.
'That's one is too skinny. What else you got?' says the man.
The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.
'Oh, no, 'says the man, 'That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!'
On God and family:
Grandma was showing the children a painting of the Pilgrim Family on a Thanksgiving Day card that they had received and she commented, 'The Pilgrim children enjoyed going to church with their mothers and fathers and praying to God.'
Her youngest grandson looked at her doubtfully and asked, 'Then why is their Dad carrying that rifle?'
On family togetherness:
Eddie in Dallas calls his son in New York just before Thanksgiving and tells him, "I am sorry to tell you but your mother and I are divorcing. I just cannot take any more of her moaning. We can't stand the sight of each other any more. I am telling you first, Eddie, because you are the eldest. Please tell your sister."
When Eddie calls his sister Julie, she says: '"o way are they getting divorced, I will go over and see them for Thanksgiving."
Julie phones her parent' house and tells her dad, "You must NOT get divorced. Promise you won't do anything until I get over there. I'm calling Eddie, and we'll both be there with you tomorrow. Until then, don't take any action, please listen to me,", and hangs up.
The father puts down the phone and turns to his wife. "Good news" he says, "Eddie and Julie are coming for Thanksgiving and they are both paying their own way."
Romance is sexy!