USA Today Best of 2012

Friday, October 3, 2008

I know the real reason guys have a higher metabolism

…and it’s not because fate is fickle, genes are a gyp, or because we women are doomed to bear heavier crosses (or derrieres).

The real reason is simple: Men burn more calories per hour because they are genetically unable to sit still!

Even enthralled by The History Channel, my husband must beat a tattoo on an end table with the remote, flip his phone open and shut, or thrum his fingers on something. Endlessly. Just when I get him to stop one, he starts up with another.

Maybe the Need to Twitch is an evolutionary holdover – he’s got to keep adrenaline flowing in case of attack by a neighboring clan and he needs to protect his territory (brother-in-law showing up to borrow a tool) or some type of prey stumbles into his path (the batch of cookies coming out of the oven? Hey, with two adolescents around, he’d better be able to pounce fast!).

So, if I start Twitching, too, will I drop pounds or just get carpal tunnel syndrome?


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