USA Today Best of 2012

Thursday, January 28, 2010

iPad: It's not a hi-tech feminine hygiene product

It's a real head-shaker for me. How the heck, out of all the millions of words out there, did Apple come up with such a doofy name for its latest gadget?

If you haven't heard/seen breaking news (or you've been on another planet for the last day), Apple is launching a device the ereading community has been anxiously awaiting, named (foolishly) the iPad. You can read the product overview here.

I'll just say right upfront, this honestly does NOT look like a new device to me. It looks like an iPod Touch, magnified. (can you say 9.7 inch screen?) This product does nothing new -- the iPod Touch can do any of these things, including display ebooks! Yes, ebooks from the Kindle store, using a Kindle app.

Another thing this kinda looks like to me is a no-flip laptop.... but... you can buy laptops with 9 inch screens for far less than $499 now, and they'll do more stuff, (although they don't have the touch screen).

But back to my beef with the name. iPad? Really? Kinda smacks of a pantiliner with 3G access (BTW, it looks like while one model of the iPad has 3G, the other is just Wi-Fi capable). So many names they could've gone with: iBook, iReader, iFolio, iBiblio, iLibrary, iLibro, iTouch Mega, iTouch Super, iTouchBigAss, iWeighsDoubleWhataSonyReaderDoes, iJustWaitTilTheAccessoriesComeOut--You Will Be Mega Broke!, iTablet(hello? What, has somebody else already patented that one?), iTouch NoMoreScreenEnvy, iGuysWouldBeTotallyDistractedWithTheAppsIfTheyBoughtThis...

As IF guys will buy it? The men I know won't eagerly tote around anything called a "pad". But hey, maybe adding all the other bells and whistles will entice some dudes. Could be they'll use them as chick-magnets. "Hey babe. Look at me, all readerly. And check out how big my screen is! You do know a guy's screen is in direct proportion to the size of his--"


Well, hey. It wouldn't fit into my purse (like my Reader does, and I just can't go to a Texas-sized handbag), so I'm not interested. But plenty of people paid five hundred bucks or more for iPhones when they came out, so Apple's marketing genius just might pay off. And as long as the buyers go on to shell out bucks for ebooks, I'm OK with it. Maybe it'll revive the world economy...

Autumn Piper

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